Just to be clear, there’s a difference between things we do to your boobs, and things we want to do to your boobs. Of course, we love you and everything else you’ve got going on, and we like the stuff we actually do with your boobs, but here are the things we would do if only we had full VIP 24/7 access.
- Motorboat them. It doesn’t feel good for you and it doesn’t really feel great for us. But we want to do it, anyway. It’s like a deep desire that exists in all men.
- Stare at them … for a really, really long time. Long enough that, even if we’re in a long-term relationship, it would probably make you uncomfortable. Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and just watched your boyfriend sleep and thought about how lucky you are? We want to do that, but to your boobs.
- Take them in both hands gently and jiggle them. It … it’s mesmerizing.
- Use them as pillows. Sure, we can rest our weary head on them for a bit when we’re cuddling, but you’ll eventually tell us your boob is falling asleep or something.
- Press our ear to them and listen to the ocean.
- Treat them like a sexy basketball hoop. We just want to kick back and throw M&M’s into your cleavage because it feels incredibly satisfying. We like boobs, and we like seeing if we can throw things into other things, and this is the point where the two intersect.
- Grope with wild abandon. We just want to get all up in those boobs without worrying what feels good to do, and just explore them like their majestic mountains. We just want to squeeze.
- Hold them forever. If it were socially acceptable to walk around in public and hold our girlfriends’ boobs, we would.